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thin white dutchess

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drama [Nov. 2nd, 2005|01:50 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak]

why does something always seem to happen to ruin a good mood?

ok well miguel has new pictures and i looked at them ... and that would be enough right there.


of course, something even worse happened right before that ---


oh .. god ...

ok so kat is mad at me because *people* have been telling her stuff about me and attributing things to me that I am *not* saying. well. and it's all very vague. you can't very well deny saying something when you don't even know what you are being accused of saying. you cannot argue when someone says you are two-faced when you don't know what it is they think you have done to them. and why do people always feel the need to exaggerate everything? of course, everyone at work talks to, and about, everyone else. if you say to someone that so-and-so said this-and-that, eventually it will get back to so and so that you were TALKING SHIT about them behind their back. when perhaps you were not talking shit at all, and that person is just exaggerating what they heard, or attaching their own opinion, or assuming they know something more than they really know. and then ofcourse so-and-so is hurt and believes that person, and does not even stop to think about how some of the people they work with actually act on a day-to-day basis, and how they commonly say things that are not quite true ... and all of a sudden so-and-so is mad at one of their friends and the friend has no idea what the HELL is going on and is completely clueless about all these people talking about them behind their back!

why do people even have to talk about each other behind their backs? mm ... but we all do it. it's just that you have to try and take everything you hear and figure out which of it is actually true ... and sometimes when people hear something hurtful they do not stop to think about this. and they do not think about who this is attributed to and whether that person really has those kinds of feelings for them.

just ... fucking bullshit.
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hmm .. [Oct. 27th, 2005|02:51 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |stellastarr]

last night i had this awesome time hanging out with steven's friend miguel ... and he acted like he really likes me and i like him .. and he's adorable ^_^ .. and i guess i'm just hoping he's not faking it ... but it didnt seem like it .. he seemed so sincere ... but i don't understand how someone could like me so easily .. it seems like i always have to win them over with my personality .. that sounds so sad .. but its not that i'm ugly it's just that i don't try to make myself "hot" by society's standards ... but i don't know i just hope we can keep having fun like last night was ... but ummm .. i just don't know ... i'm nervous and anxious ...
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i been trying .. but i'll keep lying to you [Oct. 5th, 2005|09:07 am]
thin white dutchess
[mood |determineddetermined]
[music |The Sleepy Jackson - Lovers]

So I have decided for certain that I -cannot- be friends with Phil, that it is just too painful and keeps me from getting on with my life and getting past the life that was consumed by him ...

I think I feel better. It's really hard not to reach for the phone though. I need mad friend company ...

Jon Owens might work with me. How awesome would it be to see him all the time like that?? I'm just scared he will get hired and then hate it, haha.

Ahhh ... feeling so lazy lately. I'm not sure I will have enough credits to transfer to SFSU next fall. I'm anxious. I think I'm always anxious.
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2005|09:33 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |Oslo - Oslo]

hmm .. i never write in this anymore .. but maybe i could use an outlet right now and it seems phil gets annoyed by my "pointless" blogs on myspace .. haha

i actually realized how much i still dwell on him, tonight when i was out with matt ... phil came up way too much in my conversation and it was something of an eye-opener ... i need to stop being so preoccupied with him

i feel like i am starting to have my own friends again. it's a really good feeling. examples: (1) fiery furnaces with meredith and alan lee (2) everything fun with kat and peter (3) tonight with matt (4) tomorrow with magon (5) going to show with steve and girlfriend (6) plans for two weeks from now with mary and michelle

i'm actually impressed with myself. hopefully i can keep it going. :)
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all that lives is born to die [Aug. 19th, 2005|04:44 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |pleasedpleased]
[music |BRMC]

ha. i like that. i'm not sure why.

i'm eating some really good, really ripe pineapple right now .. mmm ...

i really want to go to san francisco soon!
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pretty things! [Aug. 15th, 2005|09:17 pm]
thin white dutchess
School starts again next Monday and I'm actually a little excited to go back, especially to my textile screenprinting class. It will be a little weird to not work 40 hours a week anymore. ^_^

Mmmm, there are pretty things I want from Anthropologie ...


I'm ready for fall ...
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it's the time of the season [Aug. 6th, 2005|11:12 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |boredbored]
[music |randomosity]

Hmm .. so I am sitting in my apartment ... bored .. waiting for Phil to call or some pick me up because supposedly we are going to a party ... I feel like getting drunk but I also have to work tomorrow morning. Bleh.

Actually work was not bad today because a certain person was actually being nice to me for a change. Surprise.

Anyway I'm actually getting a little bit anxious to start school. I'm excited about the fact that I only have five classes I have to take to cover my GE's at UCSD. Hopefully Phil and I will be going there next year, and maybe even living in Hillcrest. Awesome times, I'm looking forward to it .. I think. I still love my job so much though .. will I be able to leave it so soon? I don't know though .. by that time there will be a new ASM and probably even a new manager, plus other new partners .... I guess I don't know how it will be until I actually get there. Anyway .. my six months' review is on Monday, -and- I start coffee master training. Crazy. I hope my review is good .. I don't really know what to expect .. I've been trying to figure out what my weak areas are, but I'm really not at all sure ... guess I'll find out.

So I'm being boring ... I can't wait to start my textile screen printing class, I'm going to make myself so many clothes. Awesome. I want to become an -artist-.
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so long ago! [Aug. 5th, 2005|07:42 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[music |Depeche Mode - Singles (first disc)]

How I have neglected my livejournal for the past few months! It's all myspace's fault. I've been having happy times at my dear Starbucks and my dear apartment with Phil. Back to Palomar in the fall .. in fact at the end of this month! ... and most likely Hillcrest and UCSD next fall. But who knows? Who even cares? .. when life is this nice ...
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uh oh .. head hurts [Jan. 29th, 2005|11:43 am]
thin white dutchess
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |The Boy With the Thorn In His Side - Smiths]

Hm .. I fear I haven't much to report, and I would dearly love a coffee, but I suppose I'll push on for a few more lines at least.

I'm dreadfully inappropriately dressed, as I am wearing a skirt, dress shirt, and vest fit for a garden party, in lovely shades of pink and pale green with white flower adornments - sadly it seems to be about 30 degrees in my house. I suppose I shall have to change.

I investigated a rather sweet Brideshead Revisited community this morning, called Marchmain House, that seems worthy of membership.

I'm quite anxious about the short story I *must* begin work on for my creative writing class, although I'm very afraid that my idea of wee English birds with human-like characteristics will not fall within the scope of the "guidelines" for the assignment (which is supposed to be more along the modern-realistic-literature lines).

I am about 5 minutes away from hypothermia so I will take leave now and continue on at a future date. Cheerio!
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come fly with me [Jan. 20th, 2005|06:30 pm]
thin white dutchess
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Frank Sinatra - Songs For Swingin' Lovers]

So ... it's been awhile.

I'm at home now, and going to Palomar. So far I like it A LOT. I recognize so many people, it's so much smaller, and my classes are a lot more interesting than what I was taking at UCSD.

So I'll be here for the rest of the year, and - possibly? - next year too, though I'll just wait and see how things go. One consideration is that Phil is almost certainly going to be at Palomar next year ...

Eh ... I can't concentrate of writing right now.

I do have an interview at Starbucks tomorrow. Cross fingers that I get the job. :)
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